Day 73: Breakdown Central!

8 09 2011

Hello my little friends!

Today wasn’t exactly what I would call a happy day. A little bit of background information. I have P.C.O.S which is short for poly cystic ovarian syndrome. Basically self explanatory term, I have many cysts on my ovaries. Well most of them are actually fine, they come and go when I have my monthly. The only problem is that I only get my so called “monthly” maybe 2-3 times a year. And I know I’ve been told to take medication to help my menstrual system and give me more frequent periods but I’ve been a bit hesitant with that…

Anyway I have one cyst that is larger than the others and has actually been growing slowly in size over the last 2 years that we have been monitoring it and every month I get really bad pains that keep me huddled up in bed for a couple of days. I received a letter in the mail from the gynecologist asking me to schedule an appointment to come in and talk about the possibility of surgery to remove the cyst. So that is all good and I know what I have to do….but….

Over the last sort of 12 months or so I have been getting quite sharp stabbing pains in my left breast. So I went to check it out today with my G.P and she didn’t really know what it was but suspected it had something to do with my P.C.O.S and could maybe be a cyst but she was unsure and didn’t want to jump to any conclusions so told me to see my gynecologist about it.

So looks like I am going to have to book this appointment with the gynecologist. The reason I have told you all of this is so that you guys don’t think I’m being a big woos every time I complain about certain pains or have a bit of a breakdown. At the moment I have a few different health issues going on at the moment so just to let you all know that it’s not just my legs…

Which leads me to what happened today. I was getting ready to hit the pools, put on my togs etc. Jeremy was getting ready for his rugby training, then Jeremy’s sister and mum were also getting ready for their netball game this evening and it all just sort of hit me how useless I am at the moment. I really hate the position I am in at the moment especially when the last couple of months had been full bore. I feel like I’ve gone from training everyday with a hard out routine to now absolutely nothing. And to make matters worse my knees aren’t doing so good. I am constantly on my crutches now and am a bit scared as my legs are very unstable and wobble the same way an 80 year old lady’s would.

So tears were flowing like mad, even the whole staggered breathing and runny nose featured. All these health problems are really just getting to me and I am finding it very hard to deal with, and it plays with my emotions as well. I know I shouldn’t cry about it, and I know that there are so many other people out there that are suffering from a lot more worse problems than I am but sometimes that doesn’t make me feel any better.

Jeremy ended up missing his rugby training to sit with me and cuddle me while I cried on the bed for only 2 hours! He eventually got me up and going again so I went with him to watch his indoor netball game. Now I’m home and just really want to get to bed. Tomorrow I am not even going to think about exercise or weight loss etc I am just going to enjoy the start of this World Cup and the Opening Ceremony that Im going to with my mummy dearest.

Hope you are all doing well. I’ve been enjoying your comments and questions also. It’s a little more comforting for me knowing that there are others out there that are going through similar issues. Oh well love to you all.

Love J.L

x

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